2014 Audi Prologue Concept. I said, THE AUDI PROLOGUE CONCEPT

THERE ARE 15 trillion good reasons why grey is the new black, each one green-backed. Youth unemployment, stagnating wages and high personal debt means it is aging baby-boomers who will drive economic growth. You can bet your bottom dollar there will soon be myriad products designed specifically for the silver surfers. A Porsche Design stair-lift is closer than you think.

Age cannot be mentioned without health. The ‘internet of things’ means you can be sure your behaviour is being analysed. If you fail to use your Zojirushi I-Pot kettle in the morning to make tea, a relative is informed, just in case. You may not realize it, but your car is watching out for you too. It may not be pressing your hand, rolling up your sleeve or asking you to cough, but a car is fast becoming even more central to our lives, and indeed life.

A car is already a cage in which we shield ourselves to protect us from harm. Big steel pillars sealed with glass separate us from the vigour of our surroundings. Occasionally, they keep other bits of steel and glass out too. Volvo watches your eye movement: blink to often and a small coffee icon chimes to encourage a pit-stop. GM has experimented with sensors that immobilize the engine should you be over the alcohol limit. Brakes know when a wheel is slipping: if ever you’ve been caught in a downpour, traction control has been your guardian angel. Pity the Lincoln Sentinel missed exemplifying the virtue of its namesake.

So a car already does its best to keep you alive, now the goal is to improve your wellbeing. Massaging seats are just the start. They will also rise to meet you, swiveling to accept your corpulent buttocks. Augmented reality will improve visibility, and don’t worry if you never got the hang of touch-screens, buttons will fatten for rheumatic paws, or disappear in favour of voice-control. There is a long list of features that cars will have to tick-off if they are to remain relevant for an aging demographic. But what is the OAP aesthetic? Nissan Juke designers are already used to seeing their creations driven not by sk8erboiz, but by middle-aged women off to the garden centre. The raised H-point (seat height) helps: easy to get into for creaking limbs. But I wonder how many billions playful styling will garner from the trillions available. There is also the challenge of getting Gatoraded designers in the mindset of port-swilling retirees.

So how about the Audi Prologue concept? Of course it is really an A9, a name to draw Audi upmarket to target retired dentists in upstate New York. The designers are the same age as those in Nissan, but the non-niche classicist aesthetic looks suitably elitist and discerning. Over cigars at a dinner party, the A9 would be talking about campaign funds while the Juke juggles the bread rolls.

Having introduced you to my SLC earlier, I am inclined to draw comparison between it and the A9. Naturally, thirty years has brought a sea-change in proportions, but beyond this the thing that strikes you is that Audi has scored a coup with the C-pillar: the SLC’s louvred windows has been re-interpreted as the filler-cap. Audi also uses chiseled swells above each wheel to highlight Quattro provenance, but for both cars I see similarities in the classical proportions with generous brightwork that conventionally lures mature customers. Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose. But so far no car can stop you from driving at 15 mph in the gutter with the left-indicator blinking.